1
00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:04,439
♪♪ [theme]

2
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,052
HAWKEYE: All right,
give me a clamp.

3
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,010
[chatter]

4
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,149
Hey, Hawk,
what's this one?

5
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:08,024
♪ Da da da da da
da da da da ♪

6
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,896
-"Avalon."
-Wrong.

7
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,724
"In a Little Spanish Town."

8
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,117
Right.

9
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,032
Please, I'm right in
the middle of a stomach.

10
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,990
Try this one.

11
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:22,952
♪ Da da da da
dee da da da ♪

12
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,127
"On Wisconsin."

13
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,650
No, no, no.

14
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:28,044
That was "O Shepherd,
Guide Thy Flock."

15
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,567
Oh,
I should've guessed that.

16
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,134
I've danced to that
a thousand times.

17
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,180
Shut up, will ya?
Shut up! Shut up!

18
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,703
You shut up, Frank!

19
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,661
Everybody in this madhouse,
shut up.

20
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,054
We're a little late, folks,

21
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,621
so good night
from Name That Tune.

22
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:40,578
Clamp.

23
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:42,624
Thank you.

24
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,453
-Colonel?
-Yo.

25
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:47,716
Do you know what I found
in this morning's mail?

26
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,196
Uh, now
that's a tough one.

27
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,111
Uh, hum a few bars,
will you, Radar?

28
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:52,329
[chuckles]

29
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:53,330
You're goin' home.

30
00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:56,246
I'm goin' home?

31
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,640
You got all your points.
They're discharging you.

32
00:01:58,683 --> 00:01:59,945
Discharged?

33
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,904
To Tokyo, San Francisco,
then home.

34
00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:05,603
I'm goin' home.
I'm discharged.

35
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,518
I'm goin'...
I'm goin' home.

36
00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:08,911
Henry, that's terrific.

37
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,869
Henry, congratulations.
That's terrific.

38
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:11,957
That's wonderful, sir.

39
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:12,958
[cheering]

40
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:13,959
Give me some suction.

41
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,570
All together now.

42
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,094
♪ O shepherd

43
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,270
♪ Guard Wisconsin

44
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:23,752
♪ Fight right
through that line ♪

45
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:27,016
I'm goin' home.
I can't believe it.

46
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:29,279
-I'm going home.
-Wow.

47
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,718
Oh, boy,
that's a burny.

48
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:35,242
[laughs]

49
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,374
You sure you don't
want a drink, Radar?

50
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,768
No, sir. It makes my eyes
turn red, and I fall down.

51
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:41,900
It's kind of nice
to lie down with red eyes.

52
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:44,381
Yeah. Ooh, uh,

53
00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:46,122
you wanted to make that
phone call to your wife.

54
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,429
Oh, right, right.
Right, right, right.

55
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:49,908
Now, let's see, Radar.

56
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,128
Uh, we're a day ahead
plus 14 hours, right?

57
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,435
Uh, no, sir.
The States are a day
ahead plus 14 hours.

58
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,045
Well, then, it's yesterday
in Bloomington?

59
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,481
Yes, sir.

60
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,222
Well, then, I should have
called her yesterday.

61
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,572
Well, you didn't even
know about it then.

62
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,705
Why can't everybody
be on the same time?

63
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:06,011
Because the Earth is round,
keeps rotating all the time.

64
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:08,318
Oh. I thought it was
just an army thing.

65
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,059
Let's see,
in Bloomington.

66
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,279
It's 1:00, Wednesday
afternoon right now, sir.

67
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,194
-1:00?
-Yes, sir.

68
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,891
Lorraine's not home.

69
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,023
Maybe she just went to
the store or something.

70
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,330
No, no. Every Wednesday
she gets together

71
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,289
with Ella, Bea,
Marie, and Olive.

72
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,422
They go out Route 26 to
the Old Red Barn for lunch.

73
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,903
They have two daiquiris,
a watercress sandwich,

74
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:30,645
and then Olive tells all
about her hysterectomy.

75
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,125
Every Wednesday, sir?

76
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:34,736
It's a club.

77
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,825
Well, how long do
they usually stay?

78
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:38,261
Oh, a couple hours.

79
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,784
Then they kill an hour
on the way back

80
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,482
feeling yarn at the knit shop.

81
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:42,961
Well then, why don't you
call Mrs. Blake

82
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,615
around 4:00
in the afternoon?

83
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,051
Well, no, no.

84
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,620
Olive usually gets carsick.
Better make it 4:30.

85
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,666
Uh, just to be on the safe
side, we'll make it 5:00.

86
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:54,582
No. Andrew has a trombone
lesson at at 5:00.

87
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,453
He's learning to play
Ravel's "Bolero."

88
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:57,715
I won't be able
to hear a thing.

89
00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:58,890
5:30?

90
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:02,154
-5:30. 5:30.
-Okay. 5:30.

91
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:06,985
Radar, Lorraine and
the kids are going to die.

92
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,030
Yeah.

93
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,860
You know, the first
night I'm home,

94
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,558
after we, uh, put
the kiddos to bed?

95
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,693
Lorraine and I are going
upstairs to our room.

96
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,088
That woman has
the most fantastic body

97
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:26,135
in downstate Illinois--

98
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:29,704
36, 24, 34--

99
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,359
with skin like alabaster:

100
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:36,319
clear, soft,
smooth and warm.

101
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:40,236
And she wears those little
short, flimsy nighties.

102
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,459
I think I will have
that drink, sir.

103
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,549
Finally!

104
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:51,247
Finally, you're going
to command this outfit.

105
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,553
Everything's
happening so fast.

106
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,468
Oh, discipline.

107
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,426
Adherence to
regulations.

108
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,080
A taut ship.

109
00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:00,343
I love tautness.

110
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,910
To command
is your destiny.

111
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,128
[giggles]

112
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,434
Oh.

113
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,567
Oh, I can feel the power

114
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,395
surging through your veins.

115
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,092
Am I really surging?

116
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:12,486
Oh, Frank,
you'll be magnificent.

117
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:15,793
I just wish I'd taken
R.O.T.C. in school.

118
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,621
I wasted so much time
in the Stamp Club.

119
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,057
I thought you
were president.

120
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,711
Well, that wasn't
leadership.

121
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,191
They needed someone
to lick the stamps,

122
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,845
and I had the
biggest tongue.

123
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,108
Frank, do you doubt
your ability?

124
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,762
-Mmm.
-Do you want to see

125
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:30,634
how sure I am
of your ability?

126
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,810
Well, all great men
have their doubts.

127
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,508
They say going up
San Juan Hill,

128
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,074
Teddy Roosevelt
was worried sick

129
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,554
about breaking
his glasses.

130
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:38,686
Look, darling.

131
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,473
I've been
saving it for you.

132
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:46,650
Well, I haven't been
promoted yet, Margaret.

133
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,697
Out goes Major Burns.

134
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,439
In comes Colonel Burns.

135
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:56,965
[excited laughter]

136
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,053
-Margaret?
-Yes.

137
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,184
I think I'm surging.

138
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,621
Oh!

139
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,405
Lorraine, is that you?

140
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:03,928
Well, it's me.

141
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,191
I got good news, honey.

142
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,628
I'm coming home.

143
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,934
Honest. For good.

144
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:12,372
Yeah, the orders just
came through this morning.

145
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,112
I oughta be coming
through the front door

146
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,637
in about three days.

147
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,509
Honey... aw,
please don't do that.

148
00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:21,468
Honey, please.

149
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,078
She crying?

150
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,515
No, she wants to
re-cover the furniture.

151
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:28,083
Honey, I just wanna
see you and the kids.

152
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,433
I don't care what
the furniture looks like,

153
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,956
except for the bed.

154
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,699
Now she's crying.

155
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:37,919
Sir, there's a
time limit on the call.

156
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:40,965
Honey, now just
take it easy, okay?

157
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,140
Good.

158
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,447
Um, are the kids home?

159
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,623
She is? Well, put her on.

160
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:51,193
Janie-poo? It's Daddy.

161
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,761
Num-num-num-num-num-
num-num-num-num.

162
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:55,284
I'm eating you up.

163
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,459
Sir, there isn't
too much time.

164
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,330
Leave him alone.
He's eating.

165
00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:01,899
Janie, honey, would you get
Mommy back on the phone?

166
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,814
Oh, and, uh, tell Andy

167
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,555
to stop playing
Ravel's "Bolero."

168
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,429
Lorraine, honey, listen.

169
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:12,344
Uh, now, there's a lot
of things you have to do.

170
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:15,565
Well, like, uh...
my-my suits.

171
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,785
See, I've lost a lot
of weight over here.

172
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:21,005
I mean, I'm, uh,
I'm a 34 waist now.

173
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:22,398
You won't know me stripped.

174
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,487
Wear your dog tags.

175
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,750
Honey, the brown
double-breasted.

176
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,143
Uh, it might fit now.

177
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:30,058
So just take it
to the cleaners.

178
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:32,103
Uh-- She--

179
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:36,717
Honey, I don't want your
mother wearing my suits.

180
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,545
She what?

181
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,677
Well, that's dumb.

182
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,985
She went to a party
dressed as Conrad Nagel.

183
00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:45,421
That's it, sir.

184
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,728
Oh, honey, I gotta go.

185
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:50,470
Now, Lorraine,
don't tell anybody.

186
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,907
We'll just walk into the
country club Saturday night,

187
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:55,779
start dancing,
and let 'em all cheer.

188
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,389
Lorraine?

189
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,130
Lorraine?

190
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,654
We got cut off.

191
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,659
[exhale] Sweet Lorraine.

192
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,924
[whispering] She has
a fantastic body.

193
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,981
Okay, Radar, everything in
these boxes is to be shipped.

194
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,548
My uniforms
go in the bag.

195
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,724
-Check.
-Check-a-roony
in a banana-ka.

196
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,337
Is there one or two
J's in "fragile," sir?

197
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:36,080
Uh, one will do it, Radar.

198
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,952
There it is.

199
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,475
You find
something, sir?

200
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,955
Yeah, that jar of mayonnaise

201
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,870
-we lost last 4th of July.
-Oh.

202
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,089
Hey, you better write
a letter of apology

203
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,701
to that Navy chaplain.
I thought he copped it.

204
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,877
[whistles]
Boy, that's a greeny.

205
00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:56,797
Oh... hey. Hey, hey, hey.

206
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,929
There's a picture
of you and me, Radar.

207
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,191
Oh.

208
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:04,587
Oh, that's right after
you took out my appendix.

209
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,807
Hmm. You were one sick kid.

210
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,286
You know,
I looked for that thing

211
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,592
till 4:00 in the morning.

212
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,115
It was behind your cecum.

213
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,987
Oh, I didn't put it
there on purpose, sir.

214
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,993
You saved my life.

215
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:21,082
Ah, my pleasure, Radar.

216
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,129
-Um, sir?
-Yo.

217
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,262
Um, there's something
I'd like to tell you.

218
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:30,613
Well, now, you've got
exactly 34 hours to tell me.

219
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:32,006
Yeah.

220
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,052
Well, uh...

221
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,925
I just wanted to say that
I'm really gonna miss you.

222
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,623
Um, you know, my own
father didn't have me

223
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,669
till he was 63.

224
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:46,194
And, uh, the first time we
played peek-a-boo together,

225
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,587
he had a stroke.

226
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:53,070
Look, uh, Radar,
don't get gushy, okay?

227
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,463
You know how I am.

228
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,639
Oh, yeah.

229
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:59,947
Well, um, anyway,
I made something for you.

230
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,383
Oh.

231
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,298
You know how you're
always losing your keys?

232
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,778
-Yeah.
-Well...

233
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:06,214
this is a key chain,

234
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,520
and the cartridge
is a fob.

235
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,088
Well, hey, Radar,
this is terrific.

236
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:12,524
Thank you.

237
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:13,917
It's inscribed in writing.

238
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:15,266
Oh. Oh.

239
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,966
Um, "To Colonel H.B.

240
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:23,318
"from Corp. O.R.,
Korea, 1952."

241
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,018
Hey, you know, the workmanship
on this is beautiful.

242
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,411
It's a Winchester.

243
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,805
Well, thanks, Radar.

244
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,676
Um, I was gonna get you
a bamboo flute,

245
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,113
but they only had
three-holers.

246
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,463
Ahem.

247
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:41,031
Oh.

248
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,426
This was my father's.

249
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:45,775
Oh ?

250
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:46,863
It's yours.

251
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:49,605
For keeps?

252
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,650
Sure.

253
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:53,740
Oh, wow.

254
00:10:56,568 --> 00:11:00,311
Oh, gee, what a
beautiful thermometer.

255
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:03,924
It isn't oral, is it?

256
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,882
No.

257
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:09,320
Uh, he used to say, "If,"
uh, "If you want accuracy,

258
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:11,714
why, you go right
to the horse's mouth."

259
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,498
He was a stickler
for accuracy.

260
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,196
Oh, yeah, I'll bet.

261
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,806
Yeah.

262
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:17,807
Ahem.

263
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:22,551
Well, um, thank you
for everything, sir.

264
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:25,510
Thank you, Radar.

265
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,382
Hey, come on, now.
Let's get on the stick, okay?

266
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:28,775
Oh, yes, sir.

267
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,472
I'll get this
right out of the way.

268
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:32,735
-♪♪ [Japanese music]
-HAWKEYE: Ah. Whoo!

269
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,128
-Ahem.
-TRAPPER: Hot, huh?

270
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,087
-Mm.
-This looks good.

271
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,610
-Ohh.
-Want some of this stuff?

272
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,874
-Oh, try this. Try this.
-This is great.

273
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,484
-You didn't try this yet.
-Terrific.

274
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,660
-Take that.
-[mumbling]

275
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,315
-Isn't that good?
-Now that's good.

276
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,491
Hey, now that's
delicious.

277
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:51,493
-[laughing]
-What is that?

278
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,669
-Sea snails.
-Sea snails?

279
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,105
By the "snee" shore.

280
00:11:57,238 --> 00:12:00,720
[laughing] Did you
hear what he said?

281
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:06,029
Okay. Oopsy. All gone.

282
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,770
I'll get-- I'll get some more.

283
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,032
Mm m .

284
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:10,991
-Garçon, more booze.
-[knock knock]

285
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,340
HAWKEYE: What is that?
I didn't have that.

286
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,733
-More booze, honey.
-Sure you did.

287
00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,560
You got a whole plateful.
Look at it.

288
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:16,692
HENRY:
Oh, here she comes.

289
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,694
Six bucks, tax included.

290
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,348
-TRAPPER: I got it.
-I got it.

291
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,176
-I got it. Come on.
It's my party.
-No, I got it.

292
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,438
I got it.

293
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,701
I'll tell you what,
we'll flip.

294
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,312
Tails, you lose.
Here you go, Mama-san.

295
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:29,531
Thank you. Just keep
everything coming.

296
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:30,793
[speaking Japanese]

297
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:31,881
TRAPPER: All right.

298
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,535
Hey, now, listen, guys, guys,

299
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:35,755
you cannot pay
for any more booze.

300
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,844
I'm the one that's going home.

301
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,411
Henry, we're giving you
this party.

302
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:41,978
-Mm.
-You know why?

303
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,588
Because I'm going home.

304
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,155
Wrong.

305
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,636
Because you're one
hell of a human being.

306
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,377
One hell
of a human being.

307
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,813
I got it.

308
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,423
No, we're past that part.

309
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,425
Now we're up to "one hell
of a human being."

310
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:56,427
I'll tell you who's one
hell of a human being.

311
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,255
-[Radar giggling]
-Mm-hmm.

312
00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:00,562
You guys are one hell
of a human being.

313
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,172
That's what you guys are.

314
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,826
-I'll drink to that.
-Let--

315
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,306
Let's all drink to that.

316
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,611
There we go.

317
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,311
Ahh.

318
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:11,486
Hawk.

319
00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:12,704
Mm .

320
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,838
How you doing, Henry?

321
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:19,276
I gotta go to the toidy
is how I'm doing.

322
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:24,238
But can I find it
is what I don't know.

323
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,848
Oh .

324
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,458
Mm.

325
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,764
[laughing]

326
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,592
You go-- You go--

327
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,463
You go out
the back door.

328
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,422
-Mm-hmm.
-You come to a big tree.

329
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:35,423
Hmm.

330
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,555
You pass the big tree.

331
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:39,470
You go to
a second tree.

332
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:42,299
The toidy is
the third tree.

333
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,214
The third tree
is the toidy.

334
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,349
The toidy tree.

335
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:52,135
Thank God for Joyce Kilmer.

336
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:55,573
-Hey, uh, speaking of trees--
-TRAPPER: Hmm.

337
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:58,925
You know, I'm really
gonna miss you guys.

338
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,187
I mean that.

339
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,406
I'm really gonna
miss you guys.

340
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:05,235
I wish we could all
go home together.

341
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,976
-Henry.
-Hmm?

342
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,065
We had a lot
of laughs together.

343
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,549
What? What? What? What?

344
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:15,811
What?

345
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,682
Remember that time
that Father Mulcahy

346
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,249
caught you in your tent

347
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,035
with that lady war
correspondent, huh, Henry?

348
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,129
You said you were
giving an interview

349
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,435
on the importance
of clean underwear.

350
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,750
I can't wait.
Which tree is it?

351
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,796
Number one
is for number two.

352
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,146
Right.

353
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:50,063
And number three
is for number one.

354
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,630
Number four is
the ladies' tree.
Don't go there.

355
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,764
Okay, 'scuse me.

356
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:56,808
[laughing]

357
00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,506
Boy, that's a burny.

358
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,987
Oh. Whew. Here we go.

359
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,727
-Whoo-ee.
-Mm.

360
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:06,122
-[whooping]
-[laughter]

361
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,211
[whooping]

362
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:11,258
Okay.
Hey, now.

363
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,737
Hey, Kim?

364
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:13,956
-Kim?
-Hey.

365
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,523
What, what, what?
Come on.

366
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:16,916
Ow.

367
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,614
-Here's the box.
-[groaning]

368
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,398
Now you girls
know what to do.

369
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:22,573
Come on, ladies.
Over here.

370
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:23,792
Over there, girls.

371
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,272
TRAPPER: Over there.
You know what--

372
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,926
You know what to do, right?
Huh? You're gonna--

373
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,015
-You know? Right?
-Stand up straight.

374
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,843
I'm standing straight.
The country's crooked.

375
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,584
Shh! Here he comes.

376
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,415
Oh, my gosh.

377
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,634
Henry, you okay?

378
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,072
Oh, fine.

379
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:46,380
But a lot of bark came
off ol' number three.

380
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,470
[laughing]

381
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,993
Don't sit down.
Don't sit down.

382
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,039
What, what, what,
what, what, what?

383
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,693
Attention!

384
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:58,000
We're drumming you
out of the military.

385
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,698
-Hot dog.
-Radar, cue the band.

386
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:04,441
[humming "America
the Beautiful"]

387
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,008
Lieutenant Colonel
Henry Blake?

388
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,618
Yo.

389
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,794
By virtue of the power of
the authority vested in me--

390
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,231
Mm-hmm.

391
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,059
...by Rosey's Bar and Grill
and Pro Station--

392
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,408
Mm-hmm.

393
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,062
...and in the presence
of those present

394
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,585
who have faithfully served

395
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,108
under your barely
distinguishable command--

396
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:21,154
Mm-hmm.

397
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:24,200
...I hereby disrupt you
of all military rank.

398
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,897
Okay.

399
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:29,597
Captain McIntyre, would you
do the dishonors, please?

400
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,991
From this day henceward,

401
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:36,430
you will known as
Mr. Dr. Henry Blake.

402
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:37,692
[chuckles]

403
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,010
-And now--
-Whoo!

404
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,141
...here's a box!

405
00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:54,100
-A box.
-[laughing]

406
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,232
-I got a box.
-Don't open it now.

407
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,887
-What, what, what, what?
-Henry, it's civvies.

408
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,324
We had the whole thing
handmade for you
down in Seoul.

409
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,022
Aw...

410
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,546
The tie is silk.
Handmade by a worm.

411
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,070
Oh, guys, guys, guys, guys.

412
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,507
Radar, kill the band.

413
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,682
Take five.

414
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,121
Were you surprised, sir?

415
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:16,078
-Well--
-Were you? Was he?

416
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,081
Do you know
what is in that box?

417
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,169
What?

418
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,171
A brand-new suit.

419
00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:24,739
[gasp]

420
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,698
How did you know my size?

421
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:30,005
I traced you
when you were asleep.

422
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,966
Let's get into uniform
and play "Assembly," soldier.

423
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,621
Uh, sir,
I'm getting a cold sore.

424
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,623
Well, Captain Ahab
only had one leg.

425
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,016
Well, he wasn't
in the Army, sir.

426
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,453
-He was a whale guy.
-Play it!

427
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,846
♪♪

428
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,719
Ow.

429
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,770
Are you sure that
was "Assembly?"

430
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:58,338
Uh, it's close
as I can come, sir.

431
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,427
It's really "Sleepy Lagoon"
played fast.

432
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,734
-Ah, forget it.
-Yes, sir.

433
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,433
♪

434
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,652
Company, fall in!

435
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,306
On the double!

436
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,612
♪

437
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:17,400
Come on! Move it! Move it!
Move it! Move it! Move it!

438
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,228
♪

439
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,451
You didn't even shave.

440
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:26,061
It's not a school day.

441
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,236
Here comes
Colonel Blake.

442
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,637
[applause, cheering]

443
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,512
♪

444
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,471
Company, ten-hut!

445
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:48,170
Take it easy,
will you, Frank?

446
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,697
It's all set. You're
in charge of the store now.

447
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,222
And, uh, stuff
that whistle someplace.

448
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:59,094
Uh, does the Colonel wish
to review his troops?

449
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,748
No, I just wanna
say goodbye.

450
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,619
Well, okay.

451
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,752
Your chopper's about
ten miles out, sir.

452
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:05,883
Thanks, Radar.

453
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,586
So long, Hawk.

454
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:17,025
I'm afraid just a handshake
won't do it, Henry.

455
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:27,427
Trap, thanks for the outfit.
It's really dressy.

456
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:31,648
Henry, that, uh,
that suit is really you.

457
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,215
HAWKEYE:
If you're Adolphe Menjou.

458
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:36,958
Gwen.

459
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,357
You old sky pilot, you.

460
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,967
Bless you, Henry Blake.

461
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,143
Your work here will
never be forgotten.

462
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,233
Thank you, Father.

463
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,628
Jennifer.

464
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:02,723
Klinger, that outfit
might just get you
that Section Eight.

465
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:05,334
I made it just for
this occasion, sir.

466
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:08,642
I was in such a big hurry,
I didn't get the back zipped.

467
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:09,773
I'll do it.

468
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,387
Up, sir.

469
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,650
There you go, soldier.

470
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:20,262
Sir, I have
a picture of me.

471
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,395
Would you carry it
in your wallet?

472
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,179
Your pink evening gown.

473
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,963
I knew it was
your favorite, sir.

474
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,014
Two minutes till
your chopper, sir.

475
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:34,102
Oh, thanks, Radar.

476
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,625
You're welcome.

477
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:37,540
Well, uh, so long,
everybody.

478
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:39,890
So long and, uh,
good luck.

479
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,936
-Henry.
-Huh?

480
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:45,156
[whispering]

481
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,462
Well, you think I should?

482
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:47,811
Why not?

483
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,552
Yeah, why not?

484
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,255
[whooping]

485
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:00,781
-♪♪ [bugle]
-♪

486
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,481
-Whoo-ooh!
-Whoo!

487
00:21:05,525 --> 00:21:08,092
It's all yours, Frank.

488
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:10,660
♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow ♪

489
00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:13,010
♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow ♪

490
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:16,318
♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow ♪

491
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:18,277
♪ Which nobody can deny

492
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,714
-NURSE: Goodbye.
-♪ Which nobody can deny

493
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,107
-♪ Which nobody can deny
-Bye-bye!

494
00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:32,029
This kid's
a little shocky.

495
00:21:32,073 --> 00:21:34,162
HAWKEYE:
We'll take care of it,
Henry. You're fired.

496
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:35,859
That's right, Henry.
Your job is finished here.

497
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:37,731
Get on that chopper.
Come on.

498
00:21:37,774 --> 00:21:39,428
Prep him. We'll be
down in a minute.

499
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:42,170
So long, Henry.
Have a good trip.

500
00:21:42,213 --> 00:21:43,780
Take it easy, pal.

501
00:21:58,578 --> 00:22:01,320
You behave yourself,
or I'm gonna come back
and kick your butt.

502
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:02,321
Thank you.

503
00:22:41,882 --> 00:22:43,840
[chatter]

504
00:22:51,544 --> 00:22:53,502
TRAPPER:
Radar, put a mask on.

505
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:55,330
If that's my discharge,
give it to me straight.

506
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,766
I can take it.

507
00:22:56,810 --> 00:22:58,377
I have a message.

508
00:23:02,946 --> 00:23:05,296
Lieutenant Colonel...

509
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:06,863
Henry Blake's plane...

510
00:23:06,907 --> 00:23:08,387
[exhale]

511
00:23:09,692 --> 00:23:11,564
was shot down...

512
00:23:11,607 --> 00:23:13,348
over the Sea of Japan.

513
00:23:15,785 --> 00:23:17,352
It spun in.

514
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:22,836
There were no survivors.

515
00:23:32,802 --> 00:23:34,108
[sniffling]

516
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,944
[instruments clanging]

517
00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:02,005
MAN [on P.A.]: MASH 4077
bids Henry Blake

518
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:04,573
a reluctant
and affectionate farewell.

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♪♪ [theme]